How NOT to Write a Novel (Book Review)

As regular readers will know, I am currently editing a SF/F novel and have numerous other projects in the pipeline presently. Last year I bought a book entitled "How NOT to Write a Novel" by Harold Mittelmark and Sandra Newman, both published writers -and good ones- as this book evidences!

The title is obviously a no-brainer, it's a guide to writing well. But the structure is what makes it particularly compelling as well as the motivational, conversational language. The book is split into seven main parts tackling specific aspects from beginnings to endings to character formations, to dialogue and monologue. Within each of these is a small series of the most common pitfalls, presented in humorous fashion with an example, poking fun at bad writing in the process. The sub-sections are hilariously-titled with such comical headlines as: "The Clone Entourage . . . Where friend characters proliferate into an indistinguishable mass." Within this particular example, numerous names are added rapidly and ridiculously without any further explanation whatsoever, to highlight the importance of ensuring characters are all relatable in some way.

Although the guide can be a little heavy on the obvious stuff, please don't let this dissuade you because the bad examples can provide a guiding light in some respect when contrasting your own work. But more than that, it really does serve as a motivator because you'll realise that despite how terrible you thought your writing was, it aint that bad! Not that it should foster complacency with bad writing, only remind you that it's all fixable.

A particularly helpful section was the final one detailing how (not) to write application letters to potential publishers, focusing on the long-winded life-storyesque essay, to the wise-crack-laden comedian's request. Like I said, the examples are so brilliantly constructed it felt in some cases that there was a real person who wrote it, then remembered that the book was non-fiction and despaired that it probably happened on a regular-enough basis! 

So maybe you're an aspiring writer who's after advice, and maybe you've read some pretty awful fiction in your life and want to laugh in the face of that £10.99 receipt that you can't take back to the bookstore. If you are either of these or even if you're just someone who likes a good laugh, I recommend that you buy this book. It was so engaging for me that it was one of those books that -upon completing- I just read through again! Even the front cover is enough to make you chuckle!

Poor cat, he's trapped in a bad novel!