A more personal post . . .

Hello everyone,

This post will be different from those uploaded so far and will focus on something in my personal life. As you may know, I am a university student and -in case you didn't guess from the last post- study marketing. That part isn't really important but I feel it somewhat orthodox to bring it all together and 'set the scene' if you will for those who may be new to the blog.
   Anyway, throughout my life I have always struggled with handwriting. I mean it's truly abysmal. I can't even read it myself sometimes and it is because of this that for the last couple of years, I was granted support for examinations in the form of word processing. This was great since my typing speed is faster than my writing speed. So I blitzed through college achieving some high grades and behold, here I am in university. Recently, I was advised to pay for a screening for a learning disability known as "Dysgraphia" in order to get the same support. The popular prefix of "Dys-" deriving from the Greek word for "bad, inhibited, laboured" etc. and "-graphia" translating to writing. So Bad Writing, essentially.
   I attended the screening where I was instructed to (hand)write a passage for around five minutes detailing why I thought I had the condition. I explained as best I could and read it back to the educational psychiatrist -again- as best I could since she couldn't read it. After this, I sat a catalogue of IQ tests to measure the myriad of skills that we use in daily life including: Spelling, Motor-Sensory (Fine & Gross,) Vocabulary, Visual Logic etc. Tasks included walking heel-to-toe in a straight line, spelling numerous words from the simple to the arduous and giving definitions for certain words as they were read to me.
   At the moment I have yet to receive the full report, but basically I scored well-above average for vocabulary and reading ability, top-end-of/ slightly-above average for spelling and writing, if I remember correctly and generally average or below-average for the visual and motor-skills components. In the end I was diagnosed as Dyspraxic, with the possibility of an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder.)
   This is strange since I do match some of the criteria and after taking a online AQ (Aspergers Quotient,) I returned with a result of 35. This is above the score of those who -according to the study- were diagnosed with an ASD of some kind (AQ 32 on average for 80% of those diagnosed.) Please note that I took the AQ months before the screening. Additionally, I have suspected for sometime that I have SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder) due to the numerous factors throughout my life so far that -upon reading the description- seem so true of me e.g. regressing into a 'fantasy world'; lacking close friends, complete lack of emotions including anger and general inability to express any form of emotion. Although I'm not completely 'robotic', any emotion that I express seems to be 'false' to me. So why bring this up? The reason why I thought back to this is due to me seeing a university psychiatrist earlier in the year to diagnose me since I was sure that I had something not quite right about me. But in the end, the attempt proved vane and so I left it alone since -to be honest- I liked my own company and the fact that I could (can) regress into my own head. I like that a great deal. SPD does however, lye along the same Autistic Spectrum and so, could I have something more after all? I'm not exactly sure what a diagnosis would mean, but it is an interesting thought to ponder and I was advised to see yet another shrink about interacting with others with similar disorders so I could discuss my problems in a more 'intellectual' manner.
   Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed reading this essay and I should just point out that the titles most likely to appear in my next chapbook, "Myths to Believe In," are as follows:

1- Ballad of the Dream Weaver
2- The Harlequin
3- Flow
4- The Traveller
5- The Perpetuator & The Procrastinator
6- Phenomenon
7- Dreams: The Tundra Thief
8- The Abyss Stares Back
9- Space Opera
10- What If?
11- Dreams: The Mirror   

Hope you enjoy this blog and along with that, hope you enjoy your day/night/evening/afternoon.

Until Next Time,
Jake.